When “we” ceased to “work”–

As I wrote in the last post, I recently went through a breakup. The relationship lasted for 9years, and part of the recovery process was wondering exactly when the relationship started to rot.

Have you ever wondered when a relationship is over? Can you revive flowers when they start to rot, for example?

Upon reflection, I realised the relationship was over the moment he decided it was over. He told me it was last autumn that he made the decision that he did not want to continue the relationship.

So his end of the conversation wasn’t– “let’s work things out”, and rather “Let’s break up.” Alternatively, maybe there wasn’t even a conversation before he made the decision.

And so yes, every relationship probably ends when either party says “Let’s break up”, as opposed to “let’s work things out.”

Some of my girlfriends even said that they could sense the relationship rotting way before he made the decision, though. Because nobody would inflict such intense pain on someone you love(d) knowingly.

Then one might ask, how about exes who could get back together after getting into a big fight and then breaking up?

I think–Herein lies the difference. For people who could get back together, the logic is probably “We could have been great together, and therefore I still want this person to share my life with after the drama dies.”

For people who couldn’t, they probably thought “We could have been great together, BUT we don’t want to put in the effort anymore.”

For “we” to not work, you just need one party.

With all that said and done, perhaps relationships are like two people deciding to contribute to each other’s growth and deciding to share each other’s future. Instead of just me-me-me and my happiness. 🙂

The first criteria is still to know yourself. And not lose yourself in the relationship.

So the more we know ourselves, the more we know what we want in the other, and the more we can be inspired to grow.